• Patrick Healy

Notes from the Underground 11/12/2021

To ensure complete unpredictability, lotteries run by Republican-controlled states will be replacing dice, cards and wheels with Senator Joe Manchin’s roll call votes. Said Governor Greg Abbott of Texas: “Hiring GOP Joey will increase Texas Lottery’s profits tenfold. He has a proven track record of favoring big business, making absolutely no sense in his reasoning, and doing whatever it takes to screw over the average Joe.” The Lottery’s new slogan? “Joe Money, My Manchin.” Manchin agreed to an interview, but then decided against it.


The Underground thinks centrists are the Switzerland of politicians.


Which is likelier? That the Andrew L. Bouwhuis library website actually loads, or that someone pronounces “Bouwhuis” correctly? All The Underground asks is that the Jesuit Whose Name Cannot be Pronounced send a message from the heavens to tell Canisius to fix his website.


10 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

By Patrick Healy Stoute’s presidential persona solidifying During February’s public forums for president, this column posed a question to then-candidate Stoute he would likely have to answer if named

By Marissa Burr There’s an age old question: What came first, the chicken or the egg? Now I don’t really know the correct answer to that question–nor do I fully believe Google’s–but in our lives, I th

By Patrick Healy On Monday President Stoute wrote to the “Canisius campus community” that “I expect you know that I believe in the power of teams to accomplish things far more significant than any ind