Notes from the Underground 01/24/25

With how many staff members are being let go, we’re surprised the people on President Stoute’s PR team were safe after they greenlit his ‘set the world on fire’ email. Not the best metaphor when the country’s second-largest city is in the middle of a raging wildfire. 

The Underground would like to direct your attention to Jason Francey’s haircut that he got over break. We didn’t know redheads were allowed to get low taper fades. 

The Underground has its own commentary to provide on the Golden Globes red carpet and would like to add a trend it picked up on to Ava’s list: ultra-low necklines to flaunt the cleavage. Maybe the Underground will adopt this trend and start dressing to accentuate its own, golden globes too. 

We really hoped that TikTok would stay banned solely because The Underground is sick of being heckled in the library by the ‘social media team with admissions.’ Unfortunately, they can hold off getting a real job for just a while longer.

The Underground wants you to know that we saw you wipe out trying to cross Main Street and we will never forget how embarrassing that was for you. Everyone saw it too. They pointed and laughed.

Did anybody else see that new hot campus police officer? Maybe if the school hires more officers that look like him we’ll start listening to them more. Canisius Facilities has determined that turning off the heat in the SELD office is the best way to keep Jason Francey away, but they should know by now that the SELD staff doesn’t feel cold. They don’t feel anything, and they haven’t in years. 

The Underground agrees with the campus' decision to leave the sidewalks unplowed. Personally, the Underground is looking forward to the inevitable broken femur it will obtain by the end of the winter, and is already planning to hit the school with a devastating $7 million lawsuit.