Oh, Honey... - Double Feature!

Hello cough cough honeys,

Sorry for my hiatus last week. I know you all missed reading your favorite section of this newspaper. I was extremely sick (and still am as I write this), so I took a cura personalis week and decided I wouldn’t be writing. If you have heard someone coughing extremely loudly or someone who might sound like they won’t live throughout the week, it has probably been me. To make up for my absence, I have decided not to do a single question this week…but TWO questions instead! My legal team has advised me that, due to size constraints, I will need to be more laconic in my responses this week, but I can be a man of few words. I mean, if it’s fewer words, you probably will actually read the full thing this time instead of skimming through it. Either way, let us start out with the first question of the week:

“I have slept like 3 hours a night these past couple of weeks. I’ve reached a flow state with it, but I have also started not wanting to do anything except scroll through reels all day. Is this normal?”

Uh…honey, you have a prime case of sleep deprivation. Trust me, we accounting majors are lucky to sleep more than 3 hours a WEEK because our major is doom and despair every second of the day (I love my major, I promise). Look, you can try to be like Elon Musk or any of the other “alpha males” that don’t need sleep or whatever, but like…you should do that. Sleep is one of the few times in your life when you can tune out everyone and everything and just be with yourself. Even if you sleep with someone else, your dreams are YOUR dreams, and they usually tell you what you should do with your life with subliminal messaging. Don’t you want that? Time to relax? That sounds good to me, especially the fact that you spend the time you could be sleeping by just scrolling through reels instead. If I were you, I would put on some music, probably Laufey, because she just got a “Fortnite” skin (hide my wallet), lie down, just close your eyes and see when you next wake up. It probably will be a long rest, and you will feel really good about it when you wake up. Trust me, I am an expert on sleep because I love it; it helps me forget about my situationship, who is ghosting me as of right now, even though she told me I was attractive and that she thinks I’m the best guy she’s talked to in mont— WHO SAID THAT? Sorry, honeys, momma’s gotta let her emotions out here and there. Uhhh….next question!

“Should I just ChatGPT my Honors Thesis? I have barely any of it done, and honestly, I just want to graduate at this point lol.”

 Oh honey, you make me sad. ChatGPT? Really? You chose honors, have been doing it for four years, you have KNOWN about this, and you want to just put it in AI? 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do better.

If I say any more about this question, it is going to mean. See you all next time!

–DV

[If you want to submit questions for Oh Honey, you can scan the QR code provided or email vivolod@canisius.edu for questions. To be considered for the current week’s print, submit by 11:59 PM on the following Tuesday.