By Pay Heavy, Cheerio in Chief
Today is 11/11. The Underground firmly urges all readers to pause at 11:11:11 to make a wish. Maybe if everyone who reads this wishes for a completed parking lot, Peter Canisius himself will descend from Heaven with a platoon of his priestly pals and finish it. Are apparitions affected by asbestos?
The Underground proposes that during their office hours, each USA senator go to club rooms and personally hunt the flies.
Even if the senators solve the problem, The Underground would like to bring charges against the USA for failing to protect clubrooms from the recent invasion of fruit flies in the first place. Because the Sixth Amendment protects the right to a public trial, The Underground petitions that The Underground v. USA be adjudicated by the sworn-to-secrecy Rules and Elections Board so that all details are made available to anyone who asks (and those who don't).