Notes from the Underground 9/26/25

In light of recent events, The Underground cordially invites you to join us in a routine scream, so please, take a deep breath and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa. Thank you.

Shingles here, currently contemplating whether it would be more efficient to lick an electric outlet or chew on a power cord in order to charge up. Or perhaps a secret third option, go behind the yummy dry wall and gnaw on power lines. Those sound more eye opening. Shingles suspects that maybe the gamble of climbing a pole and getting it directly from there might work.

The Underground wonders, with Republicans going after the U.N. for the escalator that stopped for Trump, that makes us wonder whether they go after other things for performance anxiety.

Powerless Shingles reporting back, the much more direct way to obtain power is most likely from a transformer, which Shingles is too tired to find. Shingles will now be investing in a long copper pole that they can stick in their mouth during thunderstorms. After all, natural is better.

It is officially Fat Bear week, and no, we are not talking about your larger “life-long-bachelor” uncle.

Shingles here to report that the weather has been rather disappointing. It as if it knows Shingles is ready to suck on some white lighting.

Your favorite editor-in-chief here to peer-review that the statement [mess] around and find out is indeed true. Also confirming that carousing leads to nothing good, including but not limited to a very upset tummy and a certain virus reminiscent of 2020. On that note, I’m trapped in my room with my busted laptop, antibiotics, steroids, Chinese takeout and a fever dream that this paper didn’t make it to print, so if you’re reading this, let’s both rejoice that it was wrong.