The Underground would like to be the first to welcome Canisius students and especially its loyal readers back to school. The Underground would also like to take this opportunity to warn all those who stand in its way.
Chartwells Dining Services has confirmed a collaboration between themselves, Donald Trump’s campaign and the ASPCA, and is proud to announce the ‘Springfield Special’ coming to D-Hall for a limited appearance on Election Day 2024.
No animals were harmed in the making of this issue of The Griffin. Or in Springfield, Ohio.
If the former president can say they have ‘concepts of a plan,’ the Underground believes students should be able to invoke that excuse for procrastinating homework. After all, we’re not president right now, either. Not yet at least.
Shingles here, reporting live from the trenches, Canisius’ Ohio, the armpit of campus: The Griffin office. Once again I am asking Saint Peter Canisius to bless us with a dry office this year. Unfortunately, that was not requested soon enough, because there is now the loveliest hole in the ceiling. If I had a nickel every time The Griffin office flooded and had tiles removed, I would have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
The Underground has noticed that its words are being printed in a different font than usual. Bleh.
We as a society have forgotten about the Lizzo and Chris Evans dating rumors. What happened Chris? Why have you not locked that queen down?
COVID seems to be going around campus, a little bit. The Underground has been suffering a deep sickness unconscionably worse than COVID, or anything acknowledged by modern medicine, ever since its seventh birthday.
Comments