Notes from the Underground 12/2/22

The Underground has named a new co-prophet, Mrsa Brrrrr, following the hilarious discovery that her last name is said many times a day during the cold winter months. Pay Heavy approves this message.

Following The Griffin’s discussion this week of there being no news, The Underground condones its abolishment on the grounds of being unable to find the mundane fascinating. Who is reporting on the number of steps President Stoute takes a day? If the self-proclaimed university’s dominant student paper won’t report on this, their rights should be slashed and at least two couches are to be donated to The Underground.

As the holiday season approaches, The Underground proposes a cookie-tasting contest in order to determine the best type made by grandparents everywhere. As Mrsa Brrrrr is serving as judge, any cookies containing tree nuts will automatically be disqualified.