Notes from The Underground 12/06/24

'Twas the night of Thrift-mas, and all through the office, not a staff member was guilt-free, not even Sophie. The traffic cones were stolen from the parking lot with stealth, in hopes that security cameras soon would be off. Old photos were nestled up high on our walls, while they silently prayed for no pub safety calls. For that’s what Thrift-mas is all about, stealing from campus and regifting it to stick it to Stoute. 

This Christmas, all The Underground really wants is whatever Frosty the Snowman is smoking in that corncob pipe of his.

Since Steve has left the Dining Hall, The Underground’s hearts have grown three times smaller, a feat which was previously thought impossible, seeing that The Underground has no soul. 

The Underground has learned that Petey The Griffin will be receiving coal this year. Petey committed arson.

S   h   i   n   g   l  e  s     h   e  r  e    a  n  d    n   o   t    s  u   r   e    h  o   w    m  u   c  h     s   p   a   c  e     s   h  o  u  l  d     b   e   h   e   l   d    f   o  r    “  D  e  f  y  i   n  g    G  r   a  v   i   t   y   .  ”

Last Christmas, three ghosts visited The Underground. The Underground learned nothing and is as miserable as ever.

In an effort to be cool and hip and with the times, The Canisius University instagram page released a Griff’s version of Spotify Wrapped and named President Stoute as being the Griffs’ top artist. While we appreciate their attempt a trendiness, such a ranking for Stoute is highly improbable, seeing that he likes to bar us from listening to his speeches. 

The Underground recalls two years ago, over winter break when we lost our beloved Lyons Hall. We would give anything to ensure that we will never again have to endure a loss of that magnitude. But… if somebody left a window open in Churchill Tower over break…The Underground would not rush to close it…

This year, The Underground got a sneak peek at Canisius’ Christmas list and the only thing they’ve asked Santa for $7 million.

On that note, published here is the Christmas list that we, the Underground, sent to Santa this year:

• More public safety officers, so they can stop telling us ‘no’ when we call for help

• A student admission team that would stop bugging us in the library

• A new president

• A full-time journalism professor

• For Matt Kochan to have all that he wants in the world

• For Tessa and Jasmine to get all the treats in the world

• For our EIC to finally get some sleep