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  • The Griffin

Notes from the Underground 10/28/22

By Pay Heavy, Cheerio-in-Chief


The day The Underground’s criticism of the Griffin’s official policy on Oxford Commas and unofficial stance toward Churchill Tower is published, the dining hall’s dishwasher explodes and floods The Griffin clubroom. The Underground takes this as confirmation that the Divine Will supports the secession of The Riffin’.


Last Friday’s flood reminded The Underground of the Noah’s Ark story. If The Underground was forced to take two of everything from The Griffin clubroom, it’s not sure how it would choose which traffic cones, clocks, signs, and paintings to save. Maybe the remainder could be returned to their rightful places around campus and Buffalo.


All The Griffin needs to complete its collection of Canisius memorabilia is one of those banners from the inauguration. The top of those things are sharper than The Underground’s criticism and would thus make a useful addition to The Griffin’s arsenal of defensive mechanisms. If one of them goes missing, blame the USA or Dr. Harrington.


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