Notes from the Underground 10/25/24

Sorry kids, we know it seemed like mom and dad (the AAUP and Administration, respectively) stopped fighting, but it’s only because The Griffin spent the last week at grandma’s house while they sorted it out. But with signs of being able to return to their honeymoon phase, we can only imagine the “your mother and I are splitting up and it's all your fault” speech we’re bound to be barred from listening to. 

We applauded AKPsi for doing such a wonderful job preaching their anti-hazing agenda. We also applaud them for their impressive acting skills. 

With two competing 5k walks being run by campus organizations over the next week, we are confused as to why the students planning the events think we want to exercise; let alone pay for it.

Streets have confirmed that a new Canisius board game is hitting the bookstore this Christmas: Canisiusopoly! New features have been added to reflect the current state at Canisius: J-walk on Main Street and deposit $200 (into Stoute’s pocket), Get out of Dhall free (of the runs), Chance cards to determine whether or not graduate with your promised degree, and all Property cards for locations such as the abandoned library archives, the abandoned Lyons Hall and the abandoned NBI office. 

Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I know that we hurt some feelings last week, but you didn’t have to have your dad call our mom to tell on us!

We would like to formally request that an APB be put out for eyebrows of all of the Division I swimmers’ eyebrows. Reports have come in claiming that the “chlorine” is the culprit, but my investigative skills have uncovered a drastic decrease in the budget for eyebrow pencils.