By Pay Heavy, Cheerio-in-Chief
On this date in 1858, the Can Can was performed for the first time in Paris. Our official mascot is the “griffin” because a French dude captained a ship called the “Griffon” kind of close to Canisius, so excuse The Underground for thinking that it makes just as much sense for the Can Can to be our official dance—and slogan (“Canisius can Can Can”). Faites-le, Monsieur Stoute.
The Underground finds The Griffin editor-in-chief’s sinister stance toward Churchill Tower—and her hateful ban of the Oxford Comma—to be intolerable. Taking a cue from its inspiration, Ben Franklin, the great satirist and a founding father of America’s break from Britain, The Underground is threatening to split from The Griffin and start a rival paper, The Riffin’. All articles will be written, edited, and published by The Underground, which promises to be favorable toward Canisius’s USA if it is given funding by the student government body.
It was while slamming down a cocktail of black beans, canned corn, and sweet peas in Churchill Tower that Pay Heavy was revealed these Notes from The Underground. The Underground works in mysterious ways, but the time and location of this week’s revelation seem to subtly suggest that the location was chosen to show solidarity with, respectively, serial lists and Buffalo’s beautifully brutalistic, behemoth brown battery.