top of page
  • The Griffin

Notes from the Underground 02/11/22

By: Nope, Not Patrick Healy


Dr. Glynis A. Fitzgerald

Name: 10/10. Elite first name. Plus, any mistake covered by The Griffin will make use of initials: “GAFfe.”


Scouting Report: Alvernia’s appropriation of “Golden” mascot not appreciated. Golden Wolf sounds like bad Chinese restaurant, not mascot. (Update: The Golden Wolf is a … historical Norse mystery trilogy???)


Dr. Kara Kolomitz

Name: 6/10. Eclectic mix of colon, mitts, and Kool Aid. American Association of Alliteration must have something on Trustees.


Scouting Report: It’s a bird … it’s a plane … it’s Kara Kolomitz’s ambition! Cover letter says she currently reports to the “Board of Trustee.” Can’t tell if typo or bold reform. Writing dissertation on college presidents as a graduate student: genius or vainglorious?


Steve K. Stoute, J.D.

Name: 7.5/10. Classic alliteration covers tasteful blandness like ketchup on Iggy’s chicken tenders. Last name not indicative of body type and hopefully not of drinking habits.


Scouting Report: Prototypical Hogwarts student; reeks of Ravenclaw. Athletics background could help sportsball teams not suck. Cover letter phrasing highlights: “clarion call for Canisius College” and “Jesuit charism.”


68 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

The Griffin Editorial

At the start of 2024, people all over my TikTok feed were talking about JOMO (joy of missing out). I originally thought, “Who actually enjoys missing out?” Then, I realized, I am a person who enjoys m

Comments


bottom of page