Notes from the Underground 01/31/2025

Did anyone else see that suspicious brown puddle on the stairs of the student center? Although the source of the mess has not yet been confirmed, a pretty educated (and stinky) guess seeing that the spot was right by the dining hall after a taco night.

Shingles hath returned, and is excited for the return of my cousin, Smallpox, thanks to RFK Jr. 

The SELD office picked back up their Griff Flix programming this week with “Piece by Piece,” the life story of Pharrell Williams in the style of Lego. Unfortunately, their decision to sprinkle loose legos all over the floor of the event space sent masses of students to the podiatrist’s office before they even had the chance to watch the movie. 

The Underground is pleased to announce that it has been offered a position in President Trump’s cabinet.

Tonight, the KAC will be selling Petey’s Pilsner for $3. The Underground takes a lot of pride in itself and its activities, but it takes the most pride in the role it plays in creating Petey’s Pilsner. Where else would it get its signature taste without The Underground’s own “special sauce,” manufactured in a secret location behind Health Science.

We smell bacon, we smell grease, we smell the Canisius University Police. (This does not apply to that one officer that’s sexy as hell.)

For immediate relief from the past week of events, The Underground recommends finding a solid concrete wall and forgetting all current events in your own ‘special’ way.

It may be cold outside, but remember this part, there is nothing colder than The Underground’s heart.