Notes from the Underground 11/10/23

It’s official: Chief Beaty will be stepping down from her position and leaving Canisius — a sad day, indeed. That being said, Public Safety will be following the “walk-safe” model and are looking for a student to fill Beaty’s old position.

Students are finally cashing in their Petey Points for the Petey Squishmallows in the S.E.L.D. office. Unfortunately, they will be unavailable for the rest of the semester, as Petey the Griffin files to sue the school for denying him custody of his plushy children and much-needed maternity leave.

The Underground would like to send out a wish for good health to all readers battling the collective campus cold that’s lingered for weeks. We’d also like to tell you that just because you’ve “tested a million times, and it's not COVID” doesn’t mean your chest cough and nose-blowing still isn’t grossing us out. Just stay home and take your Vitamin C.

The Underground would like to remove itself from any of the opinions expressed in the rather divisive Editor’s Pick. Instead, we promote the listening of Thanksgiving classics like “Let’s Have A Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time” by the cast of Glee (feat. Sarah Jessica Parker) to ring in the chaos of the holiday season.

The Underground is proud to be published every week by this “communist paper,” to use the words of an Instagram fan. The Underground would like to remind its readers that the united power of the working class is the only thing that can win back the wealth that the wealthy have stolen from us.