Notes from the Underground 10/20

The Underground is impressed with the new TV ad that Canisius is airing — but confused about the live lion prominently featured in it. Canisius has a lion? What? Where is it? Are we safe?

Attendees of the fall 2023 leadership retreat came back earlier this week and have not stopped talking about it since. It seems for many of them, this may have actually been their first time ever going outside.

It’s been yet another week of The Underground getting kicked out of U.S.A. meetings. We’re beginning to think President Hudson doesn’t really love the sound of us taking notes and making comments as loudly as possible.

If you reside in Dugan Residence Hall like this Undergrounder, you’ve probably been walking around with goosebumps and able to see your breath for weeks. We suggest making a small fire for warmth out of any old Canisius “College” merch you still have.

Speaking of fires in Dugan, why are they always on the second floor? Last week, the entire common room was clouded with smoke at midnight, waking the whole building up. We’re not sure what they were trying to cook in there, but that floor’s RA says his favorite show is "Breaking Bad," so we have our eyes peeled.

The Underground is worried after learning about Canisius’ decision not to return to Lyons Hall. If while assessing damages for insurance purposes, the authorities somehow find anywhere from one to two to 14 dead bodies, The Underground would like to be the first to deny any involvement in what The Underground assumes was a horrific accident. But The Underground asks that nobody looks — it would be a waste of time, and there is nothing to see.