Notes from the Underground 03/04/22

The Underground was disappointed to not find a puff a white smoke emitted from the dome of Old Main after the Trustees picked the new president. That would have been much preferable to the carbon copy-laden email received unceremoniously at 8:58:55 A.M — which also spoiled the surprise of the ceremony later that day. At least someone didn’t hit “Reply all” to the email…

Congressman Clay Holmes tweeted, “You millennial leftists who never lived one day under nuclear threat can now reflect upon your woke sky. You made quite a non-binary fuss to save the world from intercontinental ballistic tweets,” to which Dictionary.com replied, “We’re not entirely sure what this tweet is supposed to mean, and we’re literally the dictionary.”

The Underground can’t help wincing everytime it hears or sees St. Ignatius's well-intended phrase, “Go forth and set the world on fire.” It’s just not ideal messaging during a time of rising global temperatures. “Grab your buckets and start bailing out the world” might be more appropriate.