Dealing With Grief

By: Dr. Jonathan Lawrence

How are you? No, really — how ARE you?

Have you ever had someone ask "How are you?" and when you start to tell them about things you're struggling with they suddenly get uncomfortable? That happened to me when a loved one was sick and the person I was talking with assumed I was just going to say "I'm fine, how are you?" and keep going — instead, they were stuck in a conversation with me. 

I know that a lot of us are facing struggles right now: some are apparent to those around us, some aren't. Just because we may look like we're managing the stress, inside it may be different. Here at Canisius, this has been compounded by the recent loss of a student. At last week's service for Josh Betts, it was good to hear of the care and support he showed to his friends. I've heard people say before that it's too bad that we wait until people are gone to talk about how much they meant to us. There may be many reasons for this, but I'd like to encourage us all to break that pattern. Let's make the time to tell people how important they are, stop a moment to talk, even take the risk of sharing some of the struggles and fears you're facing. We all have struggles, but we don't have to face those struggles alone.  

So, if I see you in the hallway and ask, "How are you?" I really do want to know, and if I can't talk at that exact moment, I will make time to talk as soon as I can. We are in this together, and we can support each other.