By Patrick Healy, Opinion Editor
The Underground petitions to make Elaine from Student Life the patron saint of Canisius students.
Auditory events better than Phil Collins music: hearing a teacher announce a pop quiz, nails on a chalkboard and fire alarms. Visual sights more pleasing than Mark Rothko paintings: an F on an essay, cigarette butts and mud. The Underground’s version of hell is listening to “In the Air Tonight” while staring at “Orange, Red, Yellow.”
The Underground doesn’t think it’s a coincidence that it’s harder to make a left turn than a right turn in America. Just look at the U.S. Senate.
The stages of life according to The Underground: When you’re young, you play with Play-doh. When you’re an adult, you study Plato. When you’re old, you’re just plain slow.