• Patrick Healy

Notes from the Underground 10/01/21

Important development for college students: a sitting U.S. senator asked a Facebook executive if Facebook will “commit to ending Finsta?” Said Facebook executive had to explain that “Finsta” stands for “Fake Insta” and is not a “product or service” but instead a joke account. Upon hearing this, the senator asked if Facebook “can end that type of account.” The Underground thanks the “greatest deliberative body in the world” for its contributions to world peace.

U.S. politics is like golf. The more money you have, the easier it is to play. Old people get a handicap (the Electoral College and Senate favor Republicans). And foursomes (the Squad hold up Democratic legislation) slow down play.

Government officials just declared that the flat pigtoe, a type of mussel, is extinct. If The Underground were called a flat pigtoe, it’d want to go extinct too.

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