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  • Writer's pictureAva Green

Ask Ava!

“My friend (Bob) keeps inviting their friend (Kyle) to hangout with us every time I see them. I’m not super fond of Kyle, and it’s keeping me from hanging out with Bob as much. What should I do?”

I wish I knew more about this Kyle character. Why is it that you don’t get along with them? Do you think you might just be having a hard time seeing Bob branch out to new people? It’s perfectly understandable to feel a little jealous, but if that is the case, don't take it out on poor Kyle. Unless Kyle sucks. Again, not too sure what his deal is: he very well could just be annoying and not someone you want to be around. Either way, I think there are ways to get around hanging out without Kyle while still saving everyone’s feelings. 

I know I’ve been here before. I always want to avoid confrontation and keep the peace, but I also get annoyed with people a little too easily sometimes. It’s hard to balance the maintenance of healthy boundaries while being open to pushing the existing ones and getting out of your comfort zone.

Still, honesty is the best policy when it comes to things like this. I think it’s better to talk things out rather than let people make their own (probably incorrect) assumptions. Quietly distancing yourself from Bob to avoid Kyle might make it seem like you just don’t want to hang out with Bob anymore, when the reality is that you have a problem with Kyle.

The last thing you’re going to want to do is tell Bob how you feel about Kyle, especially if they’re still in the honeymoon phase of their friendship and all obsessed with Kyle. I feel like Bob might take it kind of personally if you express your disinterest in Kyle's company. It’s important to tread lightly and shift the focus on how much you miss spending time with Bob, not on how much you miss spending time without Kyle — there’s a difference there, and it’s all in how you frame it. I bet that if you reiterate how valuable you find your one-on-one time with Bob, they’d take you up on it more. 

I also think you should give Kyle another chance. If your friend has good enough taste to pick you as a friend, then Kyle might be a good pick, too — you just don't see what Bob sees in them yet! But then again, maybe you and Kyle just both suck! 

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